Day Forty-Six...

I haven’t posted much lately. There really isn’t anything too new or too exciting happening around our house. It has been quiet. I have decided in the past few days, I don’t like quiet. Sure, once and a while it’s nice to have a day to myself to unwind, relax and do nothing. Overall, however, I like to be busy, I enjoy chaos, and prefer to be running like crazy. I get bored and lazy when there isn’t anything pressing to do.

Having all this quiet makes time for “thinking.” And, thinking always leads to … trouble! Whether I decide to take on a new project around the house, sign up to volunteer for something monumental or just sit and think ~ it always causes trouble! Or, as Mike would say, my thinking causes a mess around the house and usually costs him money. ;-o

Well, this past week and a half, I haven’t spent money and the house is fairly clean ~ aside from the mounds of laundry I need to get through; however, this past week of “thinking” has caused a little bit of trouble for my heart. To sum it all up, since we have been home from our trip, I have Haiti on my mind and the boys have grasped a HUGE part my heart! I just miss them so!

For many reasons I really struggle with missing Jonathan and Daniel. First, I know I chose too sign up for this whole adoption journey. I knew from the beginning, this road would be very, very long. An adoption from Haiti is much longer than most international adoptions. Having known all of this prior and knowing just how long this timeline would actually be ~ who am I to complain about missing the boys? I knew very well we would be waiting a very long time for them to come home. It is sort of like being married to Mike. I signed up for being married to a surgeon. I knew his work hours would be long and he would be at the hospital more than at home with his family. I knew his devotion to his patients would take precious time away from our family. I knew all of this before marrying Mike and before deciding to have a family with him. This gives me no room to complain when he is not around. However, with either of these cases, my heart does not change. I love them dearly and I miss them when they are not near...

I am truly amazed at how Haiti has become such a HUGE part of my heart. The love, compassion and concern I have for the people of Haiti have become such an impressing part of my life. I long to visit the country, I want to be able to provide for its people and I am always thinking of ways I can help ~ this is something I truly love to do. So, most recently, I am missing being in Haiti carrying out God’s will. Obviously being in Haiti is not something I can realistically do often. I have a life here to live and most certainly love to be here raising my family and enjoying our life together! However, I miss Haiti so many days, my heart is torn. I so wish I could be there and also want to be here…

Many people question why we are choosing to adopt or why we have chosen to adopt Jonathan and Daniel specifically. Many wonder just how I could be so attached to two children I barely know or want to raise two boys who have issues and needs as they do. There are concerns presented to us about the boys’, questions are asked and people wonder why in the world we are doing this. If I explained my “God” story, I get rolled eyes and lack of understanding. I try to explain this is something in my heart and something I feel lead to do right now in my life. People just do not understand ~ and that is okay! This is not their journey to understand, get or like ~ it is ours! Our journey is the one we have chosen to take and the one that has been deeply embedded into our hearts!

So, all this “thinking” has fogged my mind in the recent weeks. I cannot seem to kick the thoughts and ideas of Haiti, our boys and our mission work. I just miss it all so much and have a hard time focusing on other things, as we are just not busy right now. Soon, baseball season will begin, Kate will take a try at tee-ball this spring and our pool will be open for lots of swimming. I need to get my mind on other things to distract me.

Until then, I will count down the days until I get to go to Haiti again. Today is day #46…..